Week 3: Parenting Advice: 3 Things a Parent Should Never Say to a Kid

Link to Article

When it comes to parenting, parents are suppose to encourage and support their kids no matter the situation. Kids do forget that parents are also humans as well and that they also have their own feelings and problems they face everyday. When kids start to misbehave, they begin to frustrate the parent and the parent starts to say things they do not mean. The article mentions three things that every parent should never say to their child as a way to savor the relationship between parent and child as the child grows older.

1. “You’re making me crazy!”

Parents that tell their child that they are driving them nuts puts the child to feeling guilty. The impact of telling the child this will make them feel as if they are a bother to people when they begin to grow older.

2. “What’s wrong with you?”

This phrase tends to be a shame-induced saying as a way to tell the child to stop the bad behavior. This leaves the child to feeling that everything the child does will always be their fault. Instead, the parent should speak with the child as to why their behavior is unacceptable.

3. “You’d better ____ or else!”

This phrase brings fear to the child as a way to tell the child that they need to immediately fix their bad behavior. Researchers say that parents that put fear into the child will only cause problematic behaviors in the child’s future. Those behaviors will be with fellow peers, adults, and even the parent as well. What’s worse is that it will only make the child believe that the only way for the child to get what they want is through aggression

The purpose of the article was to explain that certain sayings will only bring the child to feeling insecure with out they act and unsure of how to properly act. This kind of behavior from the parent will skew the cognitive development of the child because of how the behavior they will begin to pick up from their parents. The article suggests other phrases and parenting styles that should be used instead in order to correct the child’s behavior without causing any harm in the child’s cognitive development.

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4 comments

  1. helloitsrachie · February 22, 2015

    Number 3 is especially true because instead of teaching their children to respect what elders tell them to do, it instills fear into the child. If the child can’t respect their parents or other family members, what makes the parent think the child will respect (or follow) the laws of this country. Instead the child will constantly be thinking, “Can I get away with this?….What is the real consequence here?…” Which makes them more likely to act out in school, get arrested later on in life and maybe even get fired for not listening to their future bosses. When parents tell their kid “or else”, it is a permanent fix for a temporary problem. So what the child didn’t pick up his/her dirty clothes and take them to the laundry room? A messy room won’t always be messy, but a disrespectful kid will more than likely always be disrespectful. Most parents these days don’t look at the big picture when raising their children. They don’t see that everything they do in their child’s life can affect them down the road.

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  2. agreen14 · February 22, 2015

    Number one and two have something in common with putting the kid to shame which I agree no one should do. Since children are still growing emotionally, physically, and mentally: putting your kid to shame could harm them detrimentally. Children are starting to learn new skills and if they learn the wrong thing they will only continue this chain of wrong doing onto their own children. By putting fear into your child you are causing many problems in their psychosocial development. You make the kid feel inferior which will only cause problems in their later stages of development.

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  3. quincyhope · February 24, 2015

    I thought this was a good list of things to avoid saying to children. To me, the second one seems like it would be the most hurtful to say. Kids are still trying to figure themselves out, and this would be a tough question to deal with at a young developmental age. The first one also is very shameful towards the child. Making a kid feel guilty for something that they aren’t responsible for is never a good idea. I strongly disagree with ever using the third example, because I’m a huge supporter of the authoritarian parenting style. I think that it’s extremely important for parents to give kids time to think about their actions in the past and future actions as well. It’s crucial that children understand why they shouldn’t have done something, so that they will know why they shouldn’t do it in the future. Making a child feel threatened or placing her in a stressful situation will not teach the child anything. It’s up to the parent to not discipline their children when they are angry themselves. Parents need to pay more attention to the way that what they say affects their children.

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  4. Pingback: Week 3 Blog Spotlight: Topic – Human Development | Dr. MacFarlane's General Psychology Blog

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